Anthropolo-me

The Great River Shakespeare Festival, Season 4

davidryan08 — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 05:30:44 +0000

It has been two weeks since I was in Winona, MN, and in that time I have had the opportunity to reflect on my experiences. I was truly blessed to get the chance to do what I did for six weeks. I began in mid-May in the scene shop at Winona State University working as a carpenter and juggling in my duties as assistant lighting designer at the same time. During this period of my internship I was probably the most miserable, but now having stepped away for some time I realize it was valuable time spent in a worthwhile manner. I was able to practice the skills I already had, re-fine some of those skills and add some new skills to the old resume. I feel now that those first 3 weeks of construction have allowed me to make myself more marketable to more professional companies, and I hope that I will now be able to secure some of those posts that were slightly out of my reach before.

In terms of working with the lighting designer, I could not have been luckier. He was a wonderful man who was very open to my suggestions and who allowed me to have a real voice in the look of these two productions. I learned many valuable skills from him in the realm of the technical aspects of design, but I also learned life lessons as well. I learned that everything will be easier if you just remain calm. Don’t let the stress eat at you. These are things I have been told on numerous occasions that one would figure I should have learned by now, but seeing these little nuggets of wisdom actually being lived out by this man were what cemented it for me. I could not be luckier. Not many people in my field can say that they have had such an experience so early in their design careers. I just now cross my fingers that there are others out there that will be willing to continue teaching me in such an open and encouraging fashion.

The experience of Winona: not so exciting, but the people that make up the company of the Great River Shakespeare Festival and their supporters are truly amazing people. I feel that every person I came into contact with in Winona enriched my life in some way, and I can only hope that I made a similar contribution to them. I was welcomed with such warmth to these peoples’ lives, it was incredible. The passion these people had for doing this work or helping this festival survive was awe inspiring. I have never seen a community of people stand behind an arts organization in quite this way. The townspeople welcomed me into their homes as if I was an old friend. The company members welcomed me as a colleague and peer, an equal. I felt truly honored to be with these people. I have never really had a strong sense of community at any point in my life, but now I know what a being a part of a thriving community is like, and I like that feeling.

A Heavy Heart

davidryan08 — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 05:07:26 +0000

I consider myself a generally happy person, but this summer has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I am having trouble coping with what life has handed me. As this summer has progressed I have been faced with memories of lost love, failed friendships and loved ones moving on. I am for the first time in my life having to grapple with my memories. I have always had a hard time reconstructing my past, but since college that seems to have all changed. I find myself re-living the past few years as I sit alone, which is a frequent state of being for myself this summer. This memories should make me happy, most of them, but instead I am left feeling empty and alone in utter despair. I keep being told that my situation in life should be considered a new beginning for myself, but I am finding it difficult to reconcile myself to this idea because I was fully contented with the life I was living. I was surrounded by people I loved. This new loneliness is a blow that I am not sure I will recover from in a satisfactory amount of time.

I have never felt so lost. I am without one of the rocks of my life for the first time in two years. She is out in Santa Fe carving out her new life for herself, and I find myself wondering, “Well, where does that leave me?” I always figured our lives would always be woven together, but in a short time this summer that seems like it is further and further out of reach.

I am also having trouble dealing with growing older. I am only approaching my 21st birthday. Isn’t this what people turning 30 deal with, so why now? Growing more distant from family is weighing on my mind, but there is the other side of the coin. I have been developing a new family with those I have shared the past three years with.

I know this post seems a little scattered, but I just had to work these thoughts out somewhere.

Spring Break 2007

davidryan08 — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 02:28:51 +0000

So excited!!! I am in the process of preparing for my spring break, which is a trip to Savannah and Atlanta, Georgia. I am going to Savannah just for fun, but Atlanta is strictly business. I finally got my stuff together, and I will be attending the Southeastern Theatre Conference in hopes of finding summer employment in my field of interest. I have my resume all made up (I just need to go to Kinko’s and make lots of copies on very nice paper). I am in the process of putting together a book of materials to take with me as examples of my work. I am so stoked. I will try and blog each day if I can find the time in all the craziness. I will also post photos.

For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

davidryan08 — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 21:50:31 +0000

Life is an ocean and we are all the drift wood in this world. Our days can be very calm and we bask in the warmth of the sun as we float along or our days can be full of tempests and we fight to keep from drowning as we are beat down by the wind and the waves. I just want to get to shore. I am finding that it seems like I am slipping further and further away. I keep coming to one thought: what am I going to do with the rest of my life? I thought I wanted to be in the theatre, but now I am not so sure. Once again I am faced with the truth that I can’t hack it. Is there nothing in this world that I can be good at? So many things show promise, but then they just fizzle out. It may not even be that I am not good at this business, it may be that I am just not chemically put together correctly for this business. I am too imbalanced. I give so much of myself to the point where it could be considered obsessive, but that is not a good thing. I live and die with the show. I am at this moment at a point in this process where I find it very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel because I can’t seem to achieve a success. Sure, I got the show hung and focused and was able to get through level set pretty much unscathed, but the past couple of days have been a horrible roller coaster ride of emotion. I hate roller coasters and I would like to get off of this one. I find that more often than not I am in tears in this work. It doesn’t matter where you are in the production process (actor, designer or management) it is always tearful. I find myself bursting into tears on a fairly regular basis which does not boost confidence at all. It just leaves me thinking more and more about how big of a failure it looks like I will be in the process. I just want it to be beautiful. I want my work to help the playwright tell a compelling story and speak to people. I thought that was my objective, and I thought that my tactics were working. Now the director won’t even look me in the face. I really have failed. Jesus Christ, what next?

God help me

davidryan08 — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 14:29:00 +0000

So today begins my campaign to quit smoking. I am not a cold turkey person. I have tried it and I just get ill. It is kind of ugly. Here we are and it is only 10:13 am as I am writing this, and I already want to kill myself. This morning I thought it would be no big deal, but then we got to the car. The car is my time alone to me in the morning. A place where I can just enjoy my cigarette in peace and quiet. My best friend Sarah is joining me in the adventure. We have decided that for the next couple of weeks we can only smoke when we drink, and we have set a limit to how many cigarettes can be consumed during a sitting of drinking. You never really think how much something like this affects you. I am prone to panic attacks and extremely high stress, and it took all I had to not give in to the oncoming panic attack this morning. It was killing me.

So one might ask, why quit, it doesn’t seem like you really want to. Sometimes you do things that are not a question of whether you want to do them, but more that you NEED to do them. I need to quit. I am currently in the process of Bat Boy and I can’t sing this role with the smoking I am doing now. I need to kick the habit, get back into my breathing training and let my throat and chords heal. Also, lets look at this financially. I am college student, I pay my own bills. I don’t have a very large expendable income, and what I do have usually goes to cigarettes. I think it is sad when you have to not do something because getting that pack of cigarettes is just too bloody hard to give up. I want to spend my extra money on things that will matter, life experience. I want to go out to nice dinners with Sarah, I want to buy nice things. I could use some new accessories and some new sweaters since the washers in the dorms last year ruined a couple of them.

So here we are, 10:23 am, and there is still a lot of day left.

A Long Lost Friend

davidryan08 — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 02:11:38 +0000

I am finally getting around to updating this thing. School has almost been in session for a month now. The times flies so fast. In the past three weeks, things have been so hectic. I left my job at the end of last semester, and it didn’t seem to be as big a job as some of the others. Getting back this year I have discovered how much work is really involved. I am the Web Asst. which by name sounds like I only deal with the website. I could see how one might think that can’t be that bad because how can a small university website be that dynamic. But that is what my job is really about. Creating a dynamic online presence. This year has already gotten off to an exciting start. My job has always been kind of here, there and everywhere. Outside of the website I didn’t really have any other regular duties. Well, coming back this year that all changed. Gregg, being the man of innovation and experimentation that he is, has come up with some ideas for us to have a greater presence in the world. My job has in the past three weeks grown exponentially in terms of responsibilities. I love it. I love going to work, and always feeling like there is something for me to accomplish. So many of us always claim the job is just a good resume credit, but for me it is just exciting. It is fun. I talked with one of our teaching and learning technologies personnel today, and she gave me some ideas of ways that I could incorporate the work that I am doing now with what I want to do with the rest of my life. She recommended I build my own website and experiment with the technologies out there. She told me that if I could get myself some basic knowledge, I could find a way to make this a viable income as well as work on my passion, my work in the theatre. Some day soon I hope to move this blog to a domain of its very own, as well as put together my own digital portfolio. For the past couple of days I have been thinking and couldn’t make the connection between my job in the department and the art. But here it is so simply laid out. The skills in the technology will help me to build something very dynamic. It is an excellent thing, I can create a portfolio that can travel anywhere I go. I haven’t been this excited in a long time.

My Vacation in FredVegas

davidryan08 — Mon, 24 Jul 2006 02:57:15 +0000

So it has been a very long time since I have posted, but today I just feel it is time for another one. I thought I might fill everyone in on what I have been up to this summer in the most happening vacation spot in the U.S., FredVegas. I moved in successfully to the townhouse and have set up shop. I have almost completed French 202, and I will soon be able to feel the relief of knowing that I am done with languages. I have taken a position with a super corporation, A.C. Moore Arts & Crafts. Even though it is summer I still go to my favorite retreat, duPont Hall. I have been updating the computers in the management offices to latest version of Mac OS X. This may all sound very boring to some of you, but me, I have enjoyed every moment. I live with people I love, I do what I want, when I want and I live life to the fullest. Thank you, that is all.

End of Semester

davidryan08 — Fri, 05 May 2006 03:28:19 +0000

So as my semester wraps up, I find it very difficult to try and get my life together and get out of my dorm. It is such a small space, but yet I somehow have stocked it with so much stuff….Well, not really, only enough stuff to fill three boxes and a couple small containers, but for some reason it seems like a lot of stuff. Off topic, now, get back on board. I have completed my end of semester projects: a Scene Design project that I was very proud of and a Theatre Management final exam of death. iloveyou ( a note from sarah as I write this). I am very frustrated by the whole Scene Design thing. I spent around 40 hours on the project and poured all of the creativity I had left at the end of the semester. The professor who graded the project said that the design was full of weak choices and that my grade was a gift. This was difficult for me to read because I really felt like I had done a valuable design. I am not and have never claimed to be a scene designer. I don’t really understand it. I have trouble finding an eye for it. I think that part of that deals with the my actual physical eyes. I don’t see in three dimensions because of a birth defect and I think it limits the way I am able to view the world. One of the comments made was that I didn’t have enough visual research for my design, but I don’t always feel like a lot of research is necessary. I think a design can be a fully creative process like painting or sculpture in which you are creating from imagination. I design alot from imagination. I have trouble seeing things as everyone else sees them in the world around me, so I use to my imagination to see them as they could be. I thought my design was very creative, especially compared to some of those of my peers. I do admit it was probably not the most inspired design, but I thought it still had some beauty. I have had trouble with this Scene Design class from the beginnning. I just have so much trouble with this form of design. Scenic and costume design are two design avenues that I have no idea about. Of course, to be a successful designer and to be a good one overall one should have an understanding of the others. I have tried reading about them to gain understanding, but it is not something that can be merely taught by a book. The professor of the class says that she believes that I do have talent for design. I have come to find that my ideas are usually very creative and work, but I have a hard time representing those ideas physically for others to see and understand. I lack some of the basic artistic skills that they all say I can learn, but I keep practicing and it doesn’t seem to be improving, but we shall see. I am going to take some advice from the professor and do some fine tuning on these designs for my portfolio because they could be very valuable for me, and maybe she could possibly help by being a sounding board for ideas.

Theatre Management is done with. I am not too concerned about my grade. I think I am going to be okay. This semester has been a great challenge for me. For some reason it has seemed to be a tougher semester, but I have had less on my plate. I am always tired. I can’t seeem to ever feel truly rested. I get up in the morning and I am fine for a couple of hours and then I am really exhausted. I try to get to bed at a reasonable time, but the amount of work I have on my plate kind of interferes sometimes. I need to learn to say NO!!!

Tomorrow I am on vacation for two weeks and then back to the Burg to finish moving into the townhouse and get established for the next year.

tick, tick…catastrophe CRISIS AVERTED!

davidryan08 — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 21:55:43 +0000

Well for a while there I was completely worried that tick, tick…BOOM! was going to be a complete catastrophe. It is open now and we have done two performances. It is amazing how these characters can come to life in such a short time. A week ago I was freaking out thinking that it would apparent that I as an actor had not formed relationships with my fellow characters. That has all changed now. With each performance and with each day I begin to discover new things about these characters, who they are, what they want, where they are going. I begin to get more comfortable in my skin as I bring this character to life in front of an audience. This show has been an enormous trial for me, and I think I have learned alot. Which was seriously a concern of mine for a while, that I would not learn anything.

Gregg always says that the most important thing an actor can learn is to be vulnerable. I have struggled with this idea for a long while. Partially because I don’t like to be vulnerable in real life, so why would I want to make myself vulnerable in front of an entire audience. I never thought I would be able to do it. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I have figured out that all my life I have never wanted to be the weak one, I always had to be strong. But for TTB I decided to give it a try. Just plunge in and see what happened. It was probably one of the most rewarding moments of my life. There is a scene in which my character Jon has to cope with the fact that his best friend Michael has AIDS and that there time together is limited. It was a scene that I as an actor had the potential to have enormous power, but I couldn’t seem to use that. I couldn’t evoke it. We got into the first performance and before I knew it I was completely lost to the Studio, I was in New York running through Central Park. It was the most amazing feeling ever. I got to experience it again today’s performance. It is so incredibly rewarding. I now understand a little better why people would want to make their life this way, acting. Again this acting thing is a struggle because I still want to be a designer and just seem so torn because I do find acting very rewarding as well.

In other news I have been looking at the possibility of directing Romulus Linney’s Heathen Valley in the Studio next fall. I know that as of this moment I am in no way prepared to be a director, but I am thinking if I devote myself to doing some hardcore work this summer and living with this script I might be able to pull it off. I have a copy of Francis Hodge’s play directing textbook that I am going to read and maybe learn something from. I am also I think going to begin a conversation with Gregg and Helen and see what valuable wisdom they can share with me about the process. I really just want to learn. That is the ultimate reason for any of this. I think it will be a good process for, but also very difficult since I have never played this role before in the creation of a play on stage.

A really old post I forgot to post…

davidryan08 — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 21:29:19 +0000

Well, it is official. I am designing my first mainstage show all by myself next year. It is all so exciting and yet very scary at the same time. This is an experience that could make or break me. I have banked so long on being a deisgner if this turns out terribly I don’t know what I will do. I am designing for Shakespeare’s R&J. It is the show I wanted and it is definitely a show all about lighting. It will be a huge undertaking, but I think that I might be prepared. We shall see.

On the topic of tick, tick…BOOM!, which opens a week from today, I am worried. I am having such a hard time learning the lines for the end of the show. The beginning came so easily to me, and it just seems as if I have reached capacity for my line memorizing sector of my brain. I am struggling to get off book for the last part of the show. I think it will be okay, but only time will tell. I am thinking the run thrus this week will be a definite help. I also am still trying to develop this character and it is proving to be a challenge. I love this character and the person he is, but I am having trouble truly establishing his relationships with the people in his life. I don’t think I have ever encountered this before. Usually, it seems quite easy to establish relationships. I worry that this show could fall on its face because the relationships may not been there.